I recently watched Hairspray and was so disappointed. Now, like every good faggot, I love musicals. In fact, I've seen Hairspray twice on Broadway so when I heard the movie was coming out I figured it would be an f*in riot! Not the case.

The plot remains the same but they edited out some of the best and punchiest lines and at least three good musical numbers, including "Momma I'm a big girl now" and "The big dollhouse". The acting was lackluster and poor cute Zac Efron should've continued singing and dancing on High School Musical because no one is believing that he's even remotely in love with the cute but much too fat gordita (Ricki Lake and the Bway girl at least looked decent fat)! Amanda Bynes is annoyingly too tanned to be a white girl from Baltimore. What, does she go to the tanning salon?!?! Really! But by far the biggest mistake was allowing John Travolta to massacre and defile the holy role that Divine, Bruce Villanch and
Harvey Fierstein elevated, namely the fat frumpy housewife Edna Turnblad. Johnny, stick to Scientology! I did not for one second believe him to be anything but a man in a plastic fat suit. And his acrobatic dancing is too spectacular for anyone to believe that an obese forty something menopausal woman is capable of achieving. Lastly, his accent! Enough said.

Luckily its producers made the brilliant choice of casting genius of subtle quirky characters Christopher Walken as the kooky Wilbur Turnblad and ice queen Michelle Pfeiffer as Velma Von Tussle. Give these people a raise because they made the movie. Walken is exemplary as the happy go lucky dad (and he looks great dressed up as his daughter). He is divine in the Edna-Wilbur dance number and, in my humble opinion, steals the scene from the hunkering sack of John Travolta.

And Michelle oh Michelle, ma belle! First of all, the hair, makeup and costumes are spot on. The frosty eye shadow and lips are so super sixties and that teased, curled hair makes me want to wear a wig and tease it out to there. She is so believable as the bitchy former Miss Baltimore Crabs and Jon-Benet star mom. Her performance is refreshing and actually made me sympathize a little when la pobre Velma gets canned.

It wasn't complete torture having to sit through this but in the end I was too upset by having to see Jon Travolta looking more like a manatee than a woman that I just couldn't love it as much as the show.

July 25, 2007