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Gold Cannes [category: Press]

How to carry on the family name.

1. Insert a drug called Laminaria into the vagina of a 21-week pregnant woman. This helps dilate the cervix by absorbing all the water from the uterus. After about twelve hours, Laminaria starts acting on the outer uterine lining and breaks the water. The cervix expands to its fullest.
2. Shove a pair of forceps into the birth canal. At this point the foetus is partially developed and has hands and legs that are capable of kicking. Grab it by the legs and pull it into the birth canal.
3. Extreme care must be taken to keep the head of the foetus inside the womb, as it is critical to keep it alive.
4. Insert a pair of scissors into the foetus's skull. Rotate it in both directions and make the wound wide enough for the next pair of instruments to enter. (At this point it can't feel a thing, the only part of the foetus that's still alive is the heartbeat.) Keep swabs of gauze handy to soak up the spilt blood and foetal tissue.
5. Next, insert a large suction catheter, which looks like a small vacuum cleaner, into the skull and suck the brains out. In the absence of a suction catheter, a normal empty syringe will do.
6. A spoon shaped spatula should be used to scrape out the collapsed skull. It should also be used to clean out the womb and remove all traces of the dead female foetus.
7. After three months, try again for a boy.
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