We interrupt the current year of "hell-if-I-know-what-animal" to bring you this special announcement. I have decided to christen 2008 the year of the frog. Walt Disney made fairy tales fashionable again and made all of us lust for our proper Prince Charming who would come and rescue us from our enchanted sleep or slip our lost glass pump onto our pedicured paws. But none of us ever wondered: "what happens in the prequel?" How many frogs did Snow and Cindy kiss before Charming finally turned into their prince??

So, seeing as how there’s only one shoe on the floor and I’m metaphorically still "sleeping", I’ve decided that I’m going to take advantage of my JDate membership and kiss a lot of frogs this year (this, then, allows for a little sluttiness).

Herewith, the prequel to MY fairy tale:
Frog1 is a handsome, witty executive at a big publication who wears the typical fag rosary/leather cord necklace around his neck and has a serious Gummi Bear addiction who I met on Jdate (he’s no jewish). We emailed back and forth for a week and set up a date for this past Monday night. I was hungover and he was tired so he cancelled (no biggie — a relief in fact) so we rescheduled for Thursday night. He was clever and got my jokes and had some good ones too. Dinner went off without a hitch and was actually enjoyable. He broke down the sordid details of his life and career trajectory. He’s an adopted army brat who lived in Japan, Korea, Hawaii, Germany etc. He has a consulting firm aside from his job. And last year he wrote and starred in a reality show (that he just succeeded in banning from the airwaves) about moving to Texas while still working for the big publishing company, and adopting 3 teens with his ex-boyfriend. How, you ask, did he work in NY and shoot a reality show in Texas?? By checking himself in as Britney should’ve done 2 years ago! Well technically, he took a medical leave of absence by claiming insurance-approved mental disability. (Seriously clever but, seriously, who does that!) Yes. You read correctly.

After dinner we proceeded to the opening of Suzie Wong. After more drinks, he started breaking it down on the dancefloor. You see, Mr. Exec/consultant/reality show-er/con man was also a former dancer for Xtina whose career came to a tragic end when some faggot backup dancer kicked him in the knee! (Gay Showgirls the movie). Imagine that. It was a bit embarrassing but in the end, it was quirkily endearing. We left the club and we walked together for a bit then he went to his friend’s apartment where he’s staying since his return to NY and I jumped in a cab uptown. The end. No ubiquitous kiss, no happily ever after.

Stay tuned for the next episode of all men are frogs

EPISODE 2 — Play ball!!!
Or not. More like: Strike one, Strike two, Strike three. You’re out!

February 4, 2008